+-+ Plus Minus Plus
Plus minus plus: These three words were
explained to me when I was 19. They evoked memories of three different words
from childhood: Care And Share. +-+ is the equation also known as
Commend-Recommend-Commend. What does it mean? How does it translate to everyday
life?
Commend someone with something that was
done right. If we don’t know an aspect of our work was good, we might not know
to do it again.
Recommend a change or point for
improvement. Don’t say all aspects were bad. Especially don’t use nasty
language no matter how we feel about the work. Avoid generalizations that leave
people guessing about the solutions. Also don’t recommend everything at once.
An evaluation shouldn’t leave us biting off more changes than we can chew. Give
specific practical examples of a few recommended changes.
End with encouraging positivity. Some of my
favourite evaluations simply recognised someone’s happy smile or willingness to
try. Leave your evaluated person on a high note with anything that will
encourage the person to try again later.
Have you ever had someone only tell you
what’s wrong with what you are doing? Were you ever left wondering what your
strengths are? I have definitely had someone focus on the flaws in my work
instead of the strengths. Both of these are important, only one got of these
got a mention from this mate.
I must admit this complaint here is my own
personal flaw. Surely this negative mate has enthusiasm for what is being done.
An individual will only put that much energy into criticizing you if that
person cares. If you didn’t care about something, would you bother talking
about it?
I am now learning to focus on the enthusiasm
coming from anyone who gives me feedback. Yes, purely negative feedback leaves
me feeling deflated and undervalued. But if that is the only thing I say to my
evaluator, that person would wonder if he or she had done anything right as an
evaluator.
A very wise soul sister suggested an idea
to me today: listen. Listen to your critics. They will struggle to feel defensive
if they are being heard. Make them at least think they are getting what they
need. Then they will think about giving you what you need. Constructive encouraging
evaluation is a two way street.
That idea reminded me of another acronym I
grew up with WWJD. The main idea of it was love. Some people trust John Lennon.
Others trust Jesus. Whoever you believe in, you would believe that all you need
is love. It is so easy to love the people who butter us up with positive
confidence. It’s too comfortable. Step out of your comfort zone. Happily listen
with someone who speaks negatively towards you. Nobody said it will be easy. But
you will be different.
Now it’s time for me to metaphorically practice
what I preach. I need to have a taste of my own medicine. Loving your enemies
is something I struggled with for my whole adult life. Perhaps I am now ready
for a challenge.
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